Baby sleeps in your arms but not in cot

Why Babies Sleep Best in Our Arms – And What to Do About It

If you’ve ever wondered why your baby sleeps so soundly in your arms but wakes up the moment you try to put them down, you’re not alone. It’s a common challenge for many parents, and it can leave you feeling exhausted, trapped, or even guilty for wanting a break. But here’s the truth: your baby’s preference for sleeping in your arms isn’t a bad habit, and it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. In fact, it’s entirely natural.

Understanding why babies love sleeping in your arms can help you decide whether you need to change anything—and if so, how to do it in a way that feels right for both you and your baby.

Why Babies Sleep Best in Our Arms

1. The Fourth Trimester

Newborns spend nine months in the womb, where they’re constantly rocked, held, and comforted by warmth, movement, and the sound of your heartbeat. Once they’re born, they don’t suddenly stop needing those sensations. The first three months of life are often called the “fourth trimester” because babies are still adjusting to the outside world. Being held close mimics the safety of the womb, helping them feel calm and secure.

2. Biological Instincts

Babies are wired for survival. In evolutionary terms, being alone meant danger. When your baby sleeps in your arms, they feel protected, which helps them stay asleep. When they’re put down, their built-in alarm system may trigger, making them wake up and cry to ensure they’re not left vulnerable.

3. Regulated Breathing and Heart Rate

Studies have shown that babies’ breathing and heart rate stabilise when they’re held close to a caregiver. The warmth of your body, the rhythm of your breathing, and even your scent create a perfect environment for deep, restful sleep. This is why contact naps can be so restorative for little ones.

4. The Comfort of Your Smell and Touch

Your baby recognises you by your scent and the feel of your skin. Holding them close provides comfort and reassurance, helping them settle more easily. When they’re placed in a crib or bassinet, they may sense the difference and wake up searching for that familiar presence.

Do You Need to Change Anything?

The short answer: It depends. If your baby sleeps well in your arms and you’re happy with that arrangement, there’s no rule saying you must change it. Some cultures embrace contact naps and co-sleeping without issue. However, if it’s affecting your ability to rest, get things done, or simply have a moment to yourself, then finding a balance may be helpful.

How to Gently Encourage Independent Sleep

If you’d like your baby to sleep more independently, here are some gentle ways to ease the transition:

1. Use a Slow, Gradual Approach

Instead of going straight from arms to crib, try transitioning in stages. Hold your baby until they’re drowsy but not fully asleep, then place them down and offer comfort as needed. This helps them learn to fall asleep in their own space while still feeling supported.

2. Offer a Warm, Cosy Sleep Environment

A cool crib can feel like a shock compared to the warmth of your arms. Try warming the crib with a hot water bottle (removed before placing your baby down) or using a snug swaddle (if your baby isn’t rolling yet) to provide a sense of security.

3. Introduce Motion and Sound

Since babies are used to movement in the womb, using a rocking bassinet or white noise machine can make the crib feel more familiar. A gentle sway or the sound of heartbeat-like rhythms can help them settle more easily.

4. Try the “Hands-On” Method

If your baby startles when you put them down, keep your hand on their chest or gently pat them for a minute or two before stepping away. This small act can help them feel your presence and drift into a deeper sleep.

5. Be Patient with the Process

Transitioning away from contact naps doesn’t have to happen overnight. Some babies adjust quickly, while others need more time. It’s okay to take things slowly and respond to your baby’s needs while also considering your own well-being.

The Bottom Line

Babies love sleeping in our arms because it’s biologically normal and deeply comforting. If it’s working for you, there’s no rush to change it. But if you’d like to encourage more independent sleep, small, gentle adjustments can help. The key is finding a balance that feels right for both you and your baby—because well-rested parents and secure, happy babies are what truly matter.

If you need support with this or any other sleep struggles, get in touch and let’s talk it through.